Are your Relationships Deflating Your Confidence? How to Discover Your #RelationalConfidence Zones

How confident are you in your current relationships? Relational confidence may be our most important type of confidence because it is centered around our ability to trust ourselves and others. It is one of the first tests of our capacity to maintain multiple successful relationships. And, more than income or status, this ability and capacity to trust and believe in ourselves and our relationships with others determines the quality of our lives.

Today, when you subscribe to the Confidence Circle Newsletter at, I’m providing a free downloadable 10-page workbook to help you discover your Relational Confidence Zones. We’re talking about relationships with friends, family, intimacy, romance and love. These relationships can also intersect with our professional and social relationships in and outside of work. Our relationship with family and friends offer different contexts of love that can create a 360-degree environment of warmth and acceptance of ourselves and others. The healthier these associations are, the healthier your attitude about your own worth and your outlook on the future.

To assess your current level of relational confidence, ask: What is my current level of confidence in my relationships with others. Write down a number on a scale of one to ten, with ten being "unapologetically confident" and one meaning "not confident at all." Whatever number you choose the goal is to identify between one to three actions you can take to move your number up by one point. These actions don’t have to be big, but they must be meaningful.

Currently, I feel my level of relational confidence is a solid five. Whereas my love and intimacy relationships are a clear eight to ten, my guilt about moving away from friends and family for more than a decade brings it to a solid five. That overwhelming feeling of sadness came over me when I attended my eighteen-year-old niece’s graduation. The last time I saw her face in the flesh, she was ten. Living as a military spouse has its drawbacks and long separations from family and friends can be one of them.

So, what is my action to move that solid five up to a six? One thing I can do right now is to improve my relationship with friends. One big plan was to take a girls’ trip with three of my long-time college friends. With only three months into the year, we are already booked and ready for a day trip. I am so looking forward to it. But what about my niece, well, she is building her relationships too, and I think that's more important for her personal growth and social development at the moment.

Whatever action you set, make sure it’s written down. Soon, I will be releasing a full “Discover Your Confidence Zones™ Goals Journal” that you can use to track your actions and log weekly successes.

What you can do now is SUBSCRIBE to the Confidence Circle Newsletter and download the free Discover Your Confidence Zones™ Relational Confidence Workbook.

A note of caution: A common misconception is that when you build confidence in one area, it stays. That unfortunately is not how confidence is built. Confidence is built by having the courage it takes to create ongoing renewable actions that build resilience. You can read more about #renewableconfidence in the article series at

Good luck and act now to increase your #relationalconfidence. Make a plan to create loving moments with friends, family, and your intimate partner throughout the year.

The Center For Confidence, LLC is conducting a survey to look at how confident employees are in their career relationships. Take the career #relationalconfidence survey HERE.

Dr. V. Brooks Dunbar

The Confidence Commander

Author, DIVA DECISIONS: How to Get from Smart to Intelligent by Claiming Your Power of Choice

Contact Info:

Facebook: @DrVBrooksDunbar

Twitter: @DrVDunbar @cent4confidence

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